Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Still not over the fact that my brain is dying. I know that I, as an organism, am perpetually dying. Quantifying it though with specifics like at a rate of 50,000 brain cells a day makes it a lot more terrifying.

And who's idea was it to make brain cells a one time deal? Like if I cut my finger, those cells grow back. No big deal, don't even have to worry about it. I lose a couple hundred thousand brain cells every week, and it's like that Incubus song "Goodbye, Nice to Know You." Only soon I won't know who "you" are anymore, because my head will be full of worthless, deceased brain cells.

Monday, August 30, 2010


Honestly, it's pretty much all I can do to not just run around with my arms above my head shouting "I'm losing a brain cell every two seconds! Help!"

Friday, August 27, 2010


Three days later and I'm still recovering from eating at Sweet Tomatoes. "Sweet Tomatoes"? More like "Sweet Mother, What Did You Do to My Intestinal Bacteria?".

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Million dollar ideas

Appliances with lights:
-fridge
-washer and dryer
-oven
-microwave

Appliances without lights:
-dishwashers

It can't be very hard to throw a light in there. Time for the dishwasher to get with the program.


Also, I want to be able to buy a full size replica of an 8 foot long python because I think putting that thing in someone's trunk would be the most amazing prank ever. Or in a bathtub. Top shelf of the closet. Heck, putting it anywhere all curled up and huge would scare the pants off whoever found it. Make one of them for me Hasbro.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Thursday, August 12, 2010


This habitual re-dating isn't something I'm totally unfamiliar with, but I'm not as bad as some people I know...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sunday, August 8, 2010


Seriously. It's not a sign of immaturity. It's a sign I need to get these groceries in the trunk of my car, pronto.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


          I found Simone in my backyard a couple days ago and have since found a home for her in a fishbowl on my desk. I kind of like it- my own little memento mori or whatever- and it's fun to watch her scuttle about, building her web or trying to find a way out. I have no doubt every second she's planning exactly where she's going to bite me if she gets out, but luckily none of her eight legs can find purchase on the concave glass surface.

        The conversation represented was on Beau and I had, pretty much word for word. Simone does make a pretty cool pet and I think there might be a certain niche that would want a poisonous spider to watch. I'm not sure exactly how USPS feels about sending said spiders through their postal system, so there's some research to do before blackwidowpets.com launches. Once it does though, cash money.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Monday, August 2, 2010