Other million dollar ideas

Remote control fold out couch/bed. Glow-in-the-dark toothpaste. An igloo cooler fashioned into a backpack for mobile hot chocolate distribution in winter. Campus wide rickshaw service. Motion sensor headstones with pre-recording capabilities for memoirs and/or spooky noises.

Latest million dollar idea:

Free toilet paper for everyone. A good idea, yes. But possible? Also yes. The production cost of the toilet paper will be offset by the material printed on it. White toilet paper is boring. How great would it be to have a series of comics available for your perusal as opposed to having nothing to look at but the hook on the back of the stall door and the shoes of the person next to you? Then there would be ad space, specifically tailored to the restroom. Classier establishments could run ads for designer clothes of limo rental services, college campuses would have cheap pizza offers, and so on and so forth. The ads could be further refined to be gender specific, with single's ads placed respectively.

I got the idea doing a little freelance advertising on my own in my school's library. I'll spin out the paper for a few squares, then write the name of my web site (www.nastytie.com). It's best to do this over several meters as to maximize the number of patrons who will come into contact with the ads. Hopefully the increase of the number of hits I'll get will reflect the number of bathrooms I frequent, and if so will justify the public service toilet paper on a larger scale.

By any other name

I understand cupcakes. What I don't get are muffins. Why do they get a special name? Wouldn't it make more sense to call them cupbread?

No Shave November

Things I would rather have on my face: the lips of a hot lady, hundred dollar bills, a smile, scorpions.

Cut Scene

When Karen and Frosty were locked in the greenhouse at the end of the movie, I wonder if Frosty was peacefully resigned to his liquification or if he melt screaming like that Nazi from "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

When I'm in Charge

Proposition 8 would have been passed with a lot less post poll protesting. That's because everyone would have been more focused on Proposition 9: Kill all of the homosexuals. I'm not advocating the Orientacide of the entire homosexual community in California (or any Asians for that matter) but if it had been on the ballot I think a lot less attention would have been paid to the delineation of what a marriage consists of.

Fruitful Searching

Google-ing your own name is like looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning. It's not a sign of vanity. Anyway, I'm not well represented by a search of my own name on google, so to rectify the situation I'm typing up a blurb that will appear in the future. For those of you already here, you can ignore the following. The good stuff comes later.

Tyson VanDerwerken Still searching for Tyson? Here's his blog. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

Disclaimer

I’ve been hesitant to being a blog. Firstly, I don’t have any blogging clothes. And I worry about fitting the profile of a blogger. Writing in itself is indicative you believe you have something to say that warrants the consideration of others. The spew of the intellectually narcissistic pollutes the internet enough as it is and needs no contribution from this beginner blogger. Nor do I intend to be another Dave Barry wannabe. I hope my aphorisms and observations will be perceived as original, if not enlightening or entertaining. Welcome reader-