Why my blog and I haven’t sold out yet

GoogleAds are an easy alternative to score some extra lucre without actually working. It’s as easy as cutting and pasting a snippit of code onto the template. The ads appear to the left or right of the page (customization options!) and every time someone clicks on the ad you make a mind bending three to eight cents. Ca-ching.

So where are my ads, passively pocketing pennies per click? Well, they were up here until I got this email:

Hello Paul VanDerwerken,

(“Hello”. Like you know me, Mr. Google AdSense team. And notice the “Paul.” Anytime I do anything shifty, I’m sure to use my first name. I think it’ll be easier to flee the country if it ever comes down to that. I’ll just tell the cops at the Canadian border they’ve got the wrong guy, my name’s Tyson. And if they’re on top of their game and aren’t fooled by that I’ll tell them they want my dad, Paul VanDerwerken Sr. I got the idea from George Michael Sr. and Oscar Blueth.)

While going through our records recently, we found that your AdSense account has posed a significant risk to our AdWords advertisers. Since keeping your account in our publisher network may financially damage our advertisers in the future, we've decided to disable your account.

(Uh oh. I can only assume the “significant risk” they were referring to was how I entered my own site and clicked the ads there about eighty times a day. I didn’t want Google getting suspicious though if all my clicks came from the same computer. The computer labs on campus helped here: I would sit at one computer, log onto it as well as the ones to the left and right, and start clicking away at all three. Money in the bank. After I was done, I’d sign off, move three computers over, and repeat.

And “financially damaging” my eye. The ads on my site were for like Brooks Brothers and Target. Granted the economy’s not in the best of shape, but I doubt a store that charges $75.00 for a pair of socks is going to be capitally smitten by my cyber charlatanism.

And who is this “we”? If that’s an actual person who has to look through records of the number of clicks a particular website generates, then that person’s job is more pathetic than the kid who makes 70 cents an hour clicking on his own website. More than likely the “we” in question is actually Skynet.)

Please understand that we consider this a necessary step to protect the interests of both our advertisers and our other AdSense publishers. We realize the inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation.

(I appreciate how I’m never actually accused of any wrongdoing. I hate feeling guilty, especially feeling guilty after getting caught doing something that warrants feeling guilty. And yet there’s not any room to maneuver here- Google pulled the plug on my life of luxury. They did so after I’d already clicked my way to $65.00 but before they actually sent me a check. So I’m stuck still paying for college.)

If you have any questions about your account or the actions we've taken, please do not reply to this email. You can find more information by visiting
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?answer=57153&hl=en_US.

(“We know what you did and we’re not going to argue with you or listen to you beg for another chance. Here’s a website that will tell you likewise, although not as bluntly.”)

Sincerely,
The Google AdSense Team

Now I’m stuck blogging for free. “Exploiting Google AdSense” is so not making my list of Million Dollar Ideas.