The hottest ticket in town

Last night I attended my sister Cami's wedding reception. It was done very well. As I milled around, however, I couldn't help but think of how I would have done my reception differently. Here's a partial list of the improvements I intend to include should I ever happen get married:

1. No flowers on the cake. This one has always been a pet peeve of mine. Flowers on a cake are like the security plastic wrap on a new DVD or the password to log onto your RouteY account. Its existence is a hindrance. Plus who wants to eat a cake that tastes like grass? Probably the same people who order wheat grass with their Jamba Juice, and if you've ever been suckered into doing that then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

2. Instead of having a real band I'm going to have Rock Band set up by the punch bowl.

3. The chocolate dipping fountain will double as a slip and slide. This will also be loaded into the back of my car before the end of the night for the upcoming honeymoon.

4. A clown who makes hats and animals for people. And it will be a legit clown with a newspaper ad or something and no criminal record, not one that arrives in an nondescript white van that doubles as a mobile meth lab as someone suggested.

5. If my bride and parents want to stand in a line then they're free to do so. I'd much rather be wandering around the crowd with a balloon hat on. If I am constrained to be in the greeting line, I want to be with my wifie on one side of a fooseball table going double or nothing for whatever present the invitee brought.
(sidenote: a "dealbreaker" prior to being engaged would be fooseball skills)

6. On top of the Rock Band playlist, the tunes played at my reception will differ decidedly from most others. No country songs about little girls growing up or else. I'll probably just put my Ipod on shuffle (which is also what I'm doing at my wake/funeral) but for sure the following songs will be included: "By the Way They Dance" by Jump Little Children for the first dance, "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS, "I only Want to Be with You" by Hootie and the Blowfish, and "The Monster Mash" by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Crypt Kickers.

And as a blog bonus! the three requisite songs to be played at my funeral are "At Your Funeral" by Saves the Day, "Fly like an Eagle" by Steve Miller, and the theme song from the "Mortal Kombat" movie.

7. My wife is actually going to be attractive.

Just kidding Cami, you looked great.

Those were the ones that first came to mind. I haven't given my reception much thought though, so I retain the right to add to this list as more ideas come to mind. Best of luck Cami and Nate-