Stevenese

After two years, my laziness really started to show in terms of language acquisition. All the other American guys down there spoke Portuguese a heck of a lot better than I. I wasn't terrible to the point where no one could understand me, but I should have been fluent. I downloaded the Rosetta Stone version of Portuguese a time ago with intentions of brushing up on what little Portuguese I did pick up, but haven't gotten around to doing it yet. Who the heck speaks Portuguese, anyway? It's not like I'll be calling upon my second language anytime in the near future as long as I stay out of Portugal, Brazil, of Cape Verde. I do still remember all the swear words. Those ones are fun to say.

Nightshifty Steven

Zombie Prep

*"think" should be "thing" in the second frame... my bad.

Hardcore

I didn't really apply for a job at Linen 'n Things, nor do I know if they have aprons there. I also never ran cross country in high school. This comic is full of lies and deceit.

The obligatory self-aware cartoon strip. According to the intro of my Calvin and Hobbes Anthology, Waterson in the beginning of the comic suggested several strips where the characters were aware they were cartoons. He eventually decided against it. Pearls Before Swine breaks the fourth wall like twice a week though, so there are good cartoonists out there that make self referencing/aware jokes.

Mothers, don't let your sons grow up to be English majors.

In this episode, Steven and Nick buy a coffee table.

But what really happened...

But what really happened...

I don't keep a diary. At one point in my life I was working on a semi-weekly podcast which is probably the closest thing. I think a dinner/lunch date where only one or two of the following happen is a success- if you get hit with all of them thought you might want to reconsider dating that person and the dating business as a whole. Ones I didn't end up drawing were "looking at your reflection in a spoon" and "scratch."

Look for the Snorgtee's ad somewhere on this page and pretend the arrow in the next picture is pointing to the girl in it.

Holy stinking cow! Two comics in one day? Why can't he stop? What did we do to be so blessed?

I love my grandma, and not just because she snores so loud she'd scare a monster truck.

Anyone who's seen a zombie movie knows this is the logical conclusion. I just hope the zombie white blood cells in my head are like the zombies from Night of the Living Dead, and not like the ones from 28 Days Later. I hope the zombies outside my head are like the ones from NotLD too, for that matter because if the undead are capable of sprinting I'm going to have to re-evaluate my odds of survival by moving them in a disheartening direction.

Still not over the fact that my brain is dying. I know that I, as an organism, am perpetually dying. Quantifying it though with specifics like at a rate of 50,000 brain cells a day makes it a lot more terrifying.

And who's idea was it to make brain cells a one time deal? Like if I cut my finger, those cells grow back. No big deal, don't even have to worry about it. I lose a couple hundred thousand brain cells every week, and it's like that Incubus song "Goodbye, Nice to Know You." Only soon I won't know who "you" are anymore, because my head will be full of worthless, deceased brain cells.

Honestly, it's pretty much all I can do to not just run around with my arms above my head shouting "I'm losing a brain cell every two seconds! Help!"

Three days later and I'm still recovering from eating at Sweet Tomatoes. "Sweet Tomatoes"? More like "Sweet Mother, What Did You Do to My Intestinal Bacteria?".

Million dollar ideas

Appliances with lights:
-fridge
-washer and dryer
-oven
-microwave

Appliances without lights:
-dishwashers

It can't be very hard to throw a light in there. Time for the dishwasher to get with the program.


Also, I want to be able to buy a full size replica of an 8 foot long python because I think putting that thing in someone's trunk would be the most amazing prank ever. Or in a bathtub. Top shelf of the closet. Heck, putting it anywhere all curled up and huge would scare the pants off whoever found it. Make one of them for me Hasbro.