Honestly, it's pretty much all I can do to not just run around with my arms above my head shouting "I'm losing a brain cell every two seconds! Help!"

Three days later and I'm still recovering from eating at Sweet Tomatoes. "Sweet Tomatoes"? More like "Sweet Mother, What Did You Do to My Intestinal Bacteria?".

Million dollar ideas

Appliances with lights:
-fridge
-washer and dryer
-oven
-microwave

Appliances without lights:
-dishwashers

It can't be very hard to throw a light in there. Time for the dishwasher to get with the program.


Also, I want to be able to buy a full size replica of an 8 foot long python because I think putting that thing in someone's trunk would be the most amazing prank ever. Or in a bathtub. Top shelf of the closet. Heck, putting it anywhere all curled up and huge would scare the pants off whoever found it. Make one of them for me Hasbro.

This habitual re-dating isn't something I'm totally unfamiliar with, but I'm not as bad as some people I know...

Seriously. It's not a sign of immaturity. It's a sign I need to get these groceries in the trunk of my car, pronto.

          I found Simone in my backyard a couple days ago and have since found a home for her in a fishbowl on my desk. I kind of like it- my own little memento mori or whatever- and it's fun to watch her scuttle about, building her web or trying to find a way out. I have no doubt every second she's planning exactly where she's going to bite me if she gets out, but luckily none of her eight legs can find purchase on the concave glass surface.

        The conversation represented was on Beau and I had, pretty much word for word. Simone does make a pretty cool pet and I think there might be a certain niche that would want a poisonous spider to watch. I'm not sure exactly how USPS feels about sending said spiders through their postal system, so there's some research to do before blackwidowpets.com launches. Once it does though, cash money.

I'm a man with simple tastes. I know all too well, however, that convincing a girl who has the kinds of qualities I'm looking for that going out with me is a good idea is nigh unto impossible. Believe you me, I've tried. So although I consider her my soulmate, I don't think Miss Snorgtees and I will ever be an item.

Despite the fact we'd look awesome together in our matching t-shirts!

In the second frame, Steven's arm is supposed to be pointing towards the television. I tried like six times to get the perspective right, but every time it just looked like some weird peach blob thing was where his arm should be. Eh.

This is not my attempt to justify my misdeeds on the interweb. Piracy is bad and shouldn't be supported or engaged in. Yet it does make enjoying all things digital affordable for one such as I. I also buy generic brands (such as Golden Puffs. I love that stuff, probably because over fifty percent of the weight is pure sugar. No joke.) so there's really no hope for me. At least not now- I intend to stop one day after a) I start earning money and b) I find my moral center again.

Also, you won't find The Prize Fight on thepiratebay.com. You'd be hard pressed to find them anywhere, since they were small time and broke up years ago. I liked their stuff back in high school though, check 'em out if you want.

I do not have any fond feelings for dentistry, which is part of the reason I haven’t been for almost three years now. It’s not that I’m against dental hygiene. I just don’t like people poking around the inside of my mouth with sharp objects. Like shots. Shots do not belong in the mouth. The mouth is a very sensitive area; that’s why people make out with their mouths and don’t do other things like rub their ears together to be intimate. (I was watching Surfs Up the other night, and was very disappointed. The movie itself was pretty enjoyable, but the whole time I was watching it I was wondering if the main character penguin and his love interest were going to kiss. Given penguins have a combined mouth/proboscis in the form of a pointy beak, I was very curious as to how they were going to make kissing work. And, SPOILER, they never did! Leaving me still wondering if penguins kiss, and if so, how?)

Anyway, the above comic was taken from a conversation I had with a friend a couple years ago (note to any of my friends- if we have a funny conversation I retain the right to someday remake that conversation into a comic, even if it was the person I was talking to who was telling all the jokes) about the last trip I had to the dentist. Sadly, things don't look so optimistic for my next trip. I noticed a small dark spot on one of my molars and while I don't have a degree in dentistry I'm pretty sure I know what that is.

And it's on the top of my tooth, so dad, flossing would not have prevented the cavity. Dad is always in my grill about two things: flossing and dating. Flossing bites. I hate it. It's time consuming, bloody, and I find stuff I didn't want to know about. Dating is just like it, only more expensive.