This habitual re-dating isn't something I'm totally unfamiliar with, but I'm not as bad as some people I know...

Seriously. It's not a sign of immaturity. It's a sign I need to get these groceries in the trunk of my car, pronto.

          I found Simone in my backyard a couple days ago and have since found a home for her in a fishbowl on my desk. I kind of like it- my own little memento mori or whatever- and it's fun to watch her scuttle about, building her web or trying to find a way out. I have no doubt every second she's planning exactly where she's going to bite me if she gets out, but luckily none of her eight legs can find purchase on the concave glass surface.

        The conversation represented was on Beau and I had, pretty much word for word. Simone does make a pretty cool pet and I think there might be a certain niche that would want a poisonous spider to watch. I'm not sure exactly how USPS feels about sending said spiders through their postal system, so there's some research to do before blackwidowpets.com launches. Once it does though, cash money.

I'm a man with simple tastes. I know all too well, however, that convincing a girl who has the kinds of qualities I'm looking for that going out with me is a good idea is nigh unto impossible. Believe you me, I've tried. So although I consider her my soulmate, I don't think Miss Snorgtees and I will ever be an item.

Despite the fact we'd look awesome together in our matching t-shirts!

In the second frame, Steven's arm is supposed to be pointing towards the television. I tried like six times to get the perspective right, but every time it just looked like some weird peach blob thing was where his arm should be. Eh.

This is not my attempt to justify my misdeeds on the interweb. Piracy is bad and shouldn't be supported or engaged in. Yet it does make enjoying all things digital affordable for one such as I. I also buy generic brands (such as Golden Puffs. I love that stuff, probably because over fifty percent of the weight is pure sugar. No joke.) so there's really no hope for me. At least not now- I intend to stop one day after a) I start earning money and b) I find my moral center again.

Also, you won't find The Prize Fight on thepiratebay.com. You'd be hard pressed to find them anywhere, since they were small time and broke up years ago. I liked their stuff back in high school though, check 'em out if you want.

I do not have any fond feelings for dentistry, which is part of the reason I haven’t been for almost three years now. It’s not that I’m against dental hygiene. I just don’t like people poking around the inside of my mouth with sharp objects. Like shots. Shots do not belong in the mouth. The mouth is a very sensitive area; that’s why people make out with their mouths and don’t do other things like rub their ears together to be intimate. (I was watching Surfs Up the other night, and was very disappointed. The movie itself was pretty enjoyable, but the whole time I was watching it I was wondering if the main character penguin and his love interest were going to kiss. Given penguins have a combined mouth/proboscis in the form of a pointy beak, I was very curious as to how they were going to make kissing work. And, SPOILER, they never did! Leaving me still wondering if penguins kiss, and if so, how?)

Anyway, the above comic was taken from a conversation I had with a friend a couple years ago (note to any of my friends- if we have a funny conversation I retain the right to someday remake that conversation into a comic, even if it was the person I was talking to who was telling all the jokes) about the last trip I had to the dentist. Sadly, things don't look so optimistic for my next trip. I noticed a small dark spot on one of my molars and while I don't have a degree in dentistry I'm pretty sure I know what that is.

And it's on the top of my tooth, so dad, flossing would not have prevented the cavity. Dad is always in my grill about two things: flossing and dating. Flossing bites. I hate it. It's time consuming, bloody, and I find stuff I didn't want to know about. Dating is just like it, only more expensive.

I did have a dream like that a few days ago. I was staying at home for a little while during a family reunion. It wasn't too bad, and usually when I go back home my parents give me space appropriate for a twenty something year old son. I had a dream though where my dad was trying to be a little too controlling, and I woke up with a serious bone to pick with him. There's a Ben Fold's song about that too, where his girlfriend wakes up upset because of things he's done to her in her dreams.

I do feel that way about sharing dreams. I saw a novelty mug the other day that said "The cops never think it's as funny as you do." It's the same way with your dreams- other people will never find them as interesting as you did.

The family reunion went well. It has though totally turned me off to the idea of ever procreating. Kids... man. Who needs 'em? Not this guy.

Last night Beau and I went to go see Inception at The Palms. It was awesome. We got out of the movie at like 3am, and having a little extra cash left over from buying the tickets we decided to see what all the fuss was about with Las Vegas and the ubiquitous gambling theme that all the hotels here have in common. It was late, but here's what I remember happened:

Tyson: Alright, Mr. Slot machine. Let's see what you got.
Mr. Slot Machine: Step right up, suckeroo.
Tyson: Okay, now the money goes here... and press the button...
Mr. Slot: Spin, spin, you lose.
Tyson: Woah, look at all the pictures and numbers there. This is like algebra or something. Ok, I almost won... 6 credits and only lost 4. No big deal. Spin again.

Seven minutes later...

Tyson: Dude... what the heck.
Mr. Slot: heh heh heh heh.
Tyson: No seriously. Where'd all my money go?
Mr. Slot: House= 1, Tyson= you're a giant slub.
Tyson: Ok, that wasn't fun, fair, or fortuitous. At least not for me. And... I want my money back.
Mr. Slot: Go jump in a lake.
Tyson: No. Fine, can I have just some of my money back?
Mr. Slot: I can let you try and win it back...

That sounded like a good idea, but no matter how often or hard you press the spin button, unless you put money in there to begin with it doesn't work. How they expect you to win your money back after they took it all, I don't know. Sounds like a poor business strategy to me. So I've crossed "gambler" off my list of possible career choices. Next one the list: game warden. See how well I do tending giraffes.

IT'S A SHAM

I'm flying back to New York tomorrow for a family reunion. I'm pretty sure it's bad luck to draw a picture of an airplane crashing the day before you fly across the country. I guess if my plane crashes, everyone will be like "he had it coming."

For all you trivia buffs out there, this is the first nightshift steven drawn using my new Wascom pen tablet and on the Windows 7 paint program. I like the XP paint better personally- the zoom function for some retarded reason has to be tabbed to in the newer version. I thought the pen tablet would make drawing these things a lot easier, but it's just as hard, only harder in different ways.

I added the last line on this comic as an afterthought. I like how Bill Nye used to throw up both his arms and yell "SCIENCE" after he got done explaining a topic. I'm not sure if global warming is pseudoscience or just the regular kind, but I am pretty sure it won't bring down aircraft. I've got to admire the first pilot who flew his plane through a rainbow, because I bet he didn't know that. I mean, it's not like on the ground you can throw a rock at a rainbow and see if it goes through or not. I guess you could like fire a missile or something at it to test its permeability. But then you risk the rainbows launching a counter attack. Risky.

This was the case for the past while. I thought of this comic during the period when I had enough free time to think of comics, but not enough to draw any. As of yesterday, the two facts have become inversed, so hopefully there will be more frequent updates in the future.

I start a new job on Tuesday. After two and a half straight weeks of goofing off at the census for eight hours a night my conscience started to bother me, so I tendered my resignation on Friday. What's next? Summer sales with my brother-in-law Nate selling pest control up in SLC. I'm making some major moral compromises to doing so, but I could use a better paycheck. It's not a nightshift though- first time I'll be without one of those for almost a year now.

I think I'm going to stop watching The Office. Everytime I do, I just feel totally uncomfortable for half and hour, kind of like the feeling I get when I'm watching a movie with my parents and a sex scene starts.

To "Never You Mind":

I haven't listened to you since junior year of high school. I'm sorry. I still remember all your words- let's never go so long without seeing each other again.

Love-

Tyson

My apartment has two bathrooms. Recently, one toilet stopped working. Since then, five boys have been using the same one restroom. Cleaning checks are two weeks apart. There's still three days until the next cleaning check.

Our apartment has one reeeeeaaaaallllllyy gross potty.

Waiting until the day before it's due to start my conference paper.... dumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumb.

I guess the rest of the class is smarter than I because every book on Scott, Austin, or the Romantic period in general is checked out from the library. Hello, creatively citing stuff I found on wikipedia in a roundabout way.

I don't like moochers. I guess that's an external way of saying "I don't like to share". But seriously, if someone else wanted pizza as badly as I did, they would have taken the time and spent the money to get one, rather than just ask "can I have a slice?"

"No."